December 6, 2010

“Tired of Trying, Sick of Crying, I May Be Smiling, But Inside …”

I’ve been keeping my blog posts upbeat lately, but that isn’t how I’ve always been feeling. Today, I was thinking of more upbeat topics and then I thought, you know what, I’ll just talk a little bit about it, as I’m sure it’s something all writers feel ~ hopefully not too frequently.

I’ve had a perfect storm of events lately. Upheaval in my personal and writing life. Friction from family, uncertainly in my writing world, health issues (not serious). I don’t want to talk about the specifics, but it’s all come together to leave me in a mild depression and struggling to be creative. Plus, it feels like I can’t do anything right, and wherever I turn things blow up in my face.

You know how it feels? You set aside time and struggle and struggle to get things on the page. You don’t have time but the alternately feel guilty and then feel like, why bother? Who’s going to care? It’s like your mood is a lead weight around your neck, and you’re always trying to pull it up by sheer force of will, which takes so much it’s all you can do to keep it together. When someone adds just one more thing to your already massive list of things to do, you feel like throwing in the towel.

In fact, I’m not usually a napper, but I slept for five hours on Saturday. My battery needs a recharge.

I have been moving forward on creative projects, but very very slowly.

But there’s hope. There always is. Working for a university, I get the last week of the year off plus a couple of days, and then I’m taking the rest of that week off. So two weeks off. I’m going to hammer it and get a bunch done. In the immortal words of Little Orphan Annie, the sun will come out tomorrow.

Questions of the Day: How do you cope?

3 comments:

Pembroke Sinclair said...

I am so sorry you feel like this! I know how it goes, though, I'm there too! When I get like this, there's not a lot that pulls me through. Maybe try writing something different, like a story for your kids with their names. Then, read it to them. They always think it's cool when they're involved, and they are the ever appreciative audience! Or just take a break. It is that time of year where we all get overwhelmed. Instead of freaking out about what has to be done, just enjoy the moment!

February Grace said...

Just wanted to offer a hug. Sounds like you've 'been to the wars' lately as an acquaintance of mine says, and I really hope that you find that creative spark again and feel better. I think this time of year gets to a lot of us...

big hugs
~bru

Tamara said...

Dear P, thank you so much for the support! Great suggestions. It is a great time of year to be overwhelmed.

Dear Bru, oh, thank you! I love that, been to the wars. This time of year does, doesn't it?

Thank you both for the good thoughts! Right back atcha.