Oh, Cruel World

"Self is a Cruel Master."

You know the feeling. You go to a party, which you’ve prepared for meticulously. You spent weeks dieting and getting your hair cut and highlighted and finding just the right little black dress. You had big plans for this party. Maybe you were sure a certain someone would show up. Or maybe you’ve always had the best time at this particular friend’s house. But then you go and it’s a total flop. Your timing is off all night, and you offend at least one person and maybe you get drunk or maybe you say exactly the wrong thing at the wrong time. So despite ~ or maybe because of ~ your high expectations, the evening is a disaster.

Or maybe you post something very heartfelt online. You worked so hard on it and it bares your soul and you believe it’s the best thing you’ve ever written. But, then, crickets. No one responds, even when you post to Facebook and Twitter and Google+, first a witty come-on and then a heartfelt but bitter, “If you love me, you’ll look at this.” Again, crickets.

I’m sure there’s a lot more examples of this type of thing. You put it out there, hang it all on the line, and the indifferent world shrugs and turns away.

There’s one thing that helps me a lot in these situations. Very early in our relationship, my husband said, “The world really doesn’t care about you. They all are more concerned about themselves ~ the way they look, their witty repartee, whether they’re bombing. They’re thinking about the next thing they’re going to say or about their last flub or about when it’s polite to bag it. So don’t take it personally.”

This has held me in good stead ever since. I rarely take things personally. Maybe even when I should. But I give them the benefit of the doubt. Call me obtuse. But thinking like that has gotten me through many an awkward ~ or what might otherwise be mortifying ~ situation. Online, someone will say something and I don’t get offended (mostly). I take it in the spirit that it’s offered, and when I do feel those familiar pangs, I tell myself, “Don’t be so self-centered as to think it’s personal. It’s not about you; it’s about them.”

In the meantime, I try to remember to forgive myself for not being that perfect person and to forgive everyone else for not anticipating my every need. The world is a wondrous and horrible place, for sure. (And forgive the proscriptive nature of this post.)